In life I’ve learned that the only person you can depend on, is yourself. Now, that may sound a little morbid and I don’t mean it in a negative kind of way…it’s just something you kind of have to realize…or at least know…because a lot of the time, people will disappoint you, and sometimes it happens so often that well…this is where the whole depending on yourself comes in. I don’t know if this is just what my personality is or if I just need to grow a backbone or man up or whatever…but a lot of the times, I end up feeling bad when I feel as though I’ve hurt someone or disappointed someone by cancelling plans….or if someone asks me to hang out on a specific day/time and I’ve already something that day and they can only do it that day…I don’t really know what it is. Sometimes we are able to reschedule, and that’s fine…but yeah. Also, another thing is when someone is down and everything you think of saying seems wrong and you’re scared will just make them cry so you either stay silent or try your best. I don’t know, haha. Life! I guess this past semester I’ve barely had a life cause I only had two classes so I was barely at school either…lol! So I’ve had a bit of free time and now that I’m a little busier I feel bad when I’ve already got plans on the same day someone asks me because there was a point where I would almost never be busy.
It also sucks I guess when you feel as though someone you thought was close to you doesn’t feel so close anymore…maybe they mean well but you don’t see it, or they aren’t feeling well so even though they mean well, it doesn’t come out sounding like it. All you can do is your best, and I guess this is where all the depending on yourself talk comes from…you can let that person make you feel bad, or you can determine your own worth and tell yourself that you are amazing, special, and worth it.
It’s the final stretch of my undergrad, and it feels…well, euphorius! I went on this retreat last weekend and it was really rejuvenating! It was nice…we kind of went to this hippie place…lol! I made my very first dreamcatcher haha woohoo!! I also got to sit in a hottub under the stars…wow!!! Definitely something to remember… 😀 Also, despite the fact I was really anti social this semester, I managed to have quite a social week this week…on my last day of classes, this guy was hosting a table for his business, and had all these things and one of them was these lime green slime ball things that you could throw at a window repeatedly, and it actually worked as a kind of anti stress thing…me and a friend threw it at a window for like a solid 20 minutes repeatedly hahaha…it was fun!!! I also made a friend too when I went to the table that was selling them…it was funny cause she was a first year and I was in my last. But it was good!!! They also had rabbits and dogs to play with for anti-stress and I held the rabbit!!! Yayy!!!! It was a good day…afterwards we studied for a bit, went to Tim Hortons, then went to U of Alberta and studied til late…I considered her a good friend because I actually got studying for finals done…yay!!! So I would say all in all it’s been a good week…oh and I also got to participate in the one acts (basically students direct shows and one of my friends had asked me to be in hers so I did!!!) It was nice way to wind down the semester. My new friend complimented me on the show and that made my day! I believe that it’s good not to expect much because that way, when you do receive nice things they are unexpected and you tend to appreciate them far,far more. 🙂
P.S. The photo that I have on here is from a really really sweet song called “I hope you dance”. Give it a listen I promise it’ll make you feel good 🙂
P.P.S. Sidenote, on the retreat I was able to have a nice long walk/talk with the lady we went with, and it was very good for my soul…she’s a bit older than I am (though she didn’t look it haha!) and she (I was really humbled to hear) told me that I had learned things in life that she didn’t learn until way later. I don’t even remember what I said anymore, haha. Sometimes I feel as though these things might have had to do with my upbringing, which sometimes I resent but I suppose it has it’s good qualities. 🙂
Just my thoughts!!!!